Suicide letters
by Heartless demon wolf
Summary: What causes one to commit suicide? Why would one so loved and cherished take their own life? Twilight Sparkle ponders this as she looks over the three letters she was left from Spike, her lover, her best friend, her dragon. As she journeys down the cruel and harsh path of her most loyal and honest friend, her mind shatters and she questions her life and what it is worth.
1. Letter one: Taking my own life

**Author's Note: Sorry, Fanfic won't let me do the full summary that is on Fimfiction so I'll do it here:**

**What causes one to commit suicide? Why would one so loved and cherished take their own life? Twilight Sparkle ponders this as she looks over the three letters she was left from Spike, her lover, her best friend, her dragon.**

**As she journeys down the cruel and harsh path of her most loyal and honest friend, her mind shatters and she questions her life and what it is worth.**

**Meanwhile Spike himself is escorted by Death to his punishment for his sins, as he learns that sometimes the actions preformed in the heat of the moment, are ones that could lose the pony who holds his heart forever.**

* * *

Twilight's eyes were puffy, the fur on her face stained with tears as she held his body, her number one assistant, her best friend, her lover, or who had been for the past year.

Spike the dragon, seventeen years old and unofficially known by the two of them as Spike Sparkle was on the tile bathroom floor, red blood dripping across the entire area as his right claw was stained with the substance, the life giving liquid that kept all creatures alive, his throat slashed open with the limb itself, his eyes closed.

The lavender furred unicorn with her dark blue mane that held a single strip of pink, the same color tail, blinked her purple eyes before lifting her head from the position that it was on, her mate's chest, ignoring the blood on her chin before she looked and saw the small, clear and heart breaking message addressed to her alone by the dragon before he did the action that took his life.

Took him away from her for reasons she could not understand, that ripped her heart from her chest and made her question her existence in Equestria and her life itself.

Her eyes shifted to the note that made her sob in hysterics every time she laid eyes on them;

"I'm sorry, Twi."

Were the only words written in the reflective glass, smeared with the drake's own blood before he had lost more blood than his body could keep in from the wound and fell to the ground as he no doubt breathed his last breath…and died.

A single burnt out Diseased Stallion cigarette, tottering on the edge of the white marble sink ,was close to falling into the drain, the odor being scented through the confined space, making Twilight scrunch her nose in disgust, but she decided to ignore it, in too much emotional agony to give a damn about some tobacco.

She did not understand, Spike and her have been together for a year, they had shared secrets that they would never tell anyone else, even the Gods themselves.

They had battled enemies with their friends that would make lesser willed creatures surrender in defeat; they had made love with one another that would make creatures in the earliest state of love and lust blush from their physical passion.

They were soul mates, in the noblest forms, they knew everything about the other and would never hide lies or distrust from the other. They would help carry their sins that chained them down together with no exception.

So… Why had the purple scaled drake with his light green underbelly, fins and spines. Not to mention his ancient, playful emerald colored eyes, perform the most taboo of sins to himself? Of what purpose did it serve those of the living, those who cherished him and loved him, if he was taken from them by his own claws?

Twilight wanted to know the answer more than anything, she needed to know…for it was the only thing keeping her sane, and not having darker intentions creep into her mind.

*Two weeks later*

Twilight Sparkle sighed loudly, resting her body on the blue colored couch that she had gotten three years ago. Painful, soul wrenching memories seeped into her mind as she remembered she and Spike had first made love on this couch when he was sixteen and she twenty two years of age.

They had gotten into a playful fight over who could win in a race between Rainbow Dash and Spitfire of the Wonderbolts while they quietly sipped from a bottle of red wine, their minds hazy from the alcohol. Before either of the two knew it, they were slowly pressing their lips together without meaning to.

Twilight's snout brushing against Spike's scales as they deepened the intoxicated, sloppy kiss and moaned before they went to a farther level of their actions, Spike flipping Twilight over as she laid on her back.

Sighing as she felt the softness of the couch on her fur and giggled when the dragon kissed her nose, then neck, making her moan, his right claw gently massaging her left ear as his left slowly stroked through her chest fur, softly feeling one of her teats as she gasped from the contact, not knowing how such a sensation was so relaxing, making her marehood drip with her vaginal juices as she whined for more from the skilled dragon, making him only smirk.

He had been impressive in what he had done to the mare before his eyes, so much so that Twilight, even in her drunken mind, wondered if he had done such before, but knowing that could not be the case for he had told her he loved her, and only her as his crush with Rarity had faded when he was fourteen, knowing the mare would never give her heart to the reptile as he had wished when he was twelve.

He kissed her lips which she opened without hesitation and intertwined their tongues, being awkward as she had never had her first kiss with any creature but him. After a fierce battle of the tongues, in which he reigned supreme, he laughed kissing her on the forehead before he breathed softly on her wet neck fur, making her moan before allowing his right claw to slide down to her soaked marehood, and teasingly stroke it with a claw, making her gasp before she had grabbed his head and-

Twilight cut off the painful, but passionate, memory before it could go farther, and rip her heart in two. As she levitated with her magical pink aura a single wine glass and a bottle of forty year old red wine, uncorking the top before filling the glass to the brim and taking a sip, a moisture was forming on the edge of her eyes, causing slow tears to run down her face as she looked at the three pieces of yellow paper before her eyes on the small tan oak table before her, seeing that the words were written by Spike and addressed for Twilight's eyes only.

She had found the papers on the bed upon which she and Spike slept together before she had found his body in the bathroom, but had never given them a glance over, even once, as she was too busy being emotionally drained from the dragon's suicide.

With a larger swallow of her wine, ignoring the alcohol burning her throat, she took her first look at the first letter of three, this particular one titled

Letter one

Taking my life with my own claws; a tale of tragedy and sin.

With a large swallow of spittle caught in her esophagus, she brought the paper to her eyes, and with a deep breath and soft sob, began to read.

_**'My dearest Twilight Sparkle,**_

_**My love, my heart, and the only pony that I would ever give my heart fully to, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Twi…I was never the strong, gentle and passionate dragon that you hatched, that you grew up with and eventually fell in love with.**_

_**I was merely a shell that lied and tricked you into believing my words were not false, I was nothing but a teenage reptile that hid my emotions behind a mental wall and my words cloaked in false sympathy, I lied to you Twilight, I broke your heart. Even worse….I betrayed you.**_

_**I spoke harsh words behind your back and cursed your name as I hung around a dark crowd that used me for nothing more than their own amusement and relief from their own sins….nothing more than a drug I guess.**_

_**I could not bear the guilt and shame if I told you the truth, if I had spoken these words to your face, for I knew you would throw me out of the house, wanting absolutely nothing to do with me and knowing how your mindset works you would have fallen in a deep depression in which you could not escape from with losing the only creature who ever had a romantic interest in you and perhaps would have taken your own life, as I have done.**_

_**Did you know I did drugs? No, I don't think you ever had any idea of the demons I had indulged in while you were studying or with your friends, while you kissed Princess Celestia's ass like a good, loyal student.**_

_**As if the Goddess of the Sun would have ever truly noticed a normal, pathetic, far too studious mortal unicorn mare such as you, as if it would have made any difference what you had done to impress her.**_

_**Did you know that I smoked? Well, I'm guessing from the butts of those cigarettes under our bed that you do now. Did you ever wonder why I did it despite the fact that you hated it?**_

_**Because it relaxed me, it was my stress reliever when I did not have the bits for the booze or drugs and as for why I had gotten into the act, it was because it kept me from tearing my own scales off in rage from the fights we often got into, they kept me from back clawing you or physically harming you when you got into my face with angry, hurtful words or how you always wanted to prove that you were right in the most annoying way possible.**_

_**I used to pray to the Gods, Luna to be exact, praying that she would bless our love before it crumbled to dust as I often believed it would…. but I stopped, once I noticed no change in our 'love', in our romance, or even in our words.**_

_**Part of me even wondered if you had cheated on me… heh, but it was the other way around.**_

_**My words are harsh because what I speak is the truth Twilight, as much as I love you, as much as I never wanted a more perfect pony in all my life, these letters will be written not only with honestly, but with my guilt, my shame…my sins. I can't hide anything from you Twilight; you deserve to know it all even though I would wish otherwise.**_

_**You always said that there should never be secrets between romantic partners, maybe your right but I warn you….your mind and heart must be strong, for you are about to travel a very dark road, my road in which you will forever be changed because of it, for better or worse, which is your choice alone.**_

_**I love you Twilight Sparkle, and though I never expect you to forgive me, I just want you to understand the path I have taken… One which lead me to my permanent action.**_

_**With love, honesty and regret,**_

_**Spike Sparkle.**_

Twilight read the dark written letter over and over again, her mind not comprehending just what the drake had wrote, that he had gotten only farther and farther into darkness and never informed her, with a wail of anguish and sorrow she threw her half full glass of alcohol against the wall, making it shatter upon contact, her mind starting to crack from the emotional stress and heart break of her former mate, as Spike the dragon stood in the realm of Death itself, awaiting judgment for his sins.

As the unicorn wept in the realm of the living, Spike stood confused as to where he was, seeing nothing before him but white which his feet stood on, there was not any sound, or sense of a single form of life around him as he looked behind him, seeing nothing and not knowing what was to be done. He turned around once more and saw a large dragon skeleton, the size of Garble himself when he was a teenager, the red scaled male dragon bully of Spike when he was but a boy.

The dragon skeleton wore a long, black cloaked robe that moved as if they were a part of his body, with large skeleton wings flapping softly outside his cloak, in his front right claw he held a large, black stick, with a curved, shining silver blade at the tip as he reached his left claw towards Spike and spoke in a cold, emotionless voice.

"Come Spike Sparkle, Tartarus awaits your soul for the sins you have committed in the land of the living."

*Spike's P.O.V*

I scowled, offended at the immortal being that dared to address me with such injustice.

"And why the buck should I care about my punishment? Will my sins offend the Gods themselves?! I'm nothing but a-"

"That is correct, reptile. You are nothing, nothing but a worthless, weak, scaled lizard who has the nerve to disobey a creature far superior to you, drake!" Death spoke with a growl, his long bone tail waving in rage outside of his cloak, that went unnoticed by me before, as I gritted my fangs and narrowed my eyes.

How dare the reaper of souls try to tell me what to do, I was a dragon for the Gods sake, granted still a baby compared to the large, fully grown adults but a dragon nonetheless, our species was the most fierce and proud of all Equestria and even beyond it, I would not be mocked by some damn, eternal skeleton.

"You dare scoff a dragon, bitch! I'll smash your brittle bones into dust, I'll rip off your bucking wings and shove them up your-" my loud, angered rant was cut off by a bony claw wrapping around my throat, cutting off my voice as my eyes filled with fear that Death himself was annoyed by me, irritated by my words no doubt as I shut my mouth immediately.

"Your words of false promises, while amusing are causing you nothing but farther suffering for the lies spewing from your tongue, dragon, unless you wish for your entire existence to be wiped for all of time from the minds of even the Gods, I suggest you silence your tongue." Death growled, and even though we both knew that I would feel no pain as I was now a soul, it was still an unpleasant sensation.

The cruel, cold words of what the grim reaper had spoken vibrated through my mind, was it true that he could remove my entire existence from the mind and memories of even the Gods themselves with only his scythe?

My eyes shifted over to the weapon in which the immortal skeleton took and judged all souls from every creature, normal or mystical alone.

I needed to get that weapon, if it was powerful enough to erase even the soul of a creature, perhaps it could even restore the life of a soul….if that was even possible.

With an enraged growl, I pulled back my left leg as far as I could and swung it deep into Death's chest who stumbled back, stunned from the blow but not injured as he had no flesh or organs before I reached my right claw for the scythe, which Death smacked hard into my forehead and threw me away from him six feet, I had reason to believe that if I had my body that it would have hurt, a lot.

But as it was, I felt no pain, only an icy chill as I stood up slowly, my eyes narrowing to mere slits as Death now held his weapon in both claws, his empty eyes glaring at me with fury before his large, bony wings flapped twice, his tail waving behind him, eager to be of use against the challenge I had offered Death.

Death bellowed in rage "How dare you attack me with your pathetic, small claws, shade. I will tear your soul into a thousand pieces before I am finished with you." He roared as I just now realized I had no weapons of my own except... except my claws and tail, not to mention my green flames, if they were even able to work after I had left my body, and of course, my fangs, if needed.

So all hope was not lost, I was going to fight Death himself if it meant returning to my body and my beautiful, lavender furred mate. How this battle would go, was something only Fate herself knew.

"What about my punishment, surely the Gods would be upset if you did not do your job and send me to Tartarus." I spat, only angering the dragon skeleton more.

"The Gods can wait, I'm sure the Judge of Tartarus would understand if I send you to her in nothing more than fragments, it has been done before with rebellious souls, you are not the first, reptile." He answered back, his wings flapping four times before he charged me as I knew somehow that what he spoke was true, and that not for the first time, my mouth had gotten me into very deep shit.

I did not even had time to snap out of my mental thinking before I felt a large, rather strong, curled claw slam into my right cheek and throw me six feet to the left, as I rolled hard into the ground, making not a sound upon contact before I stood on shaking legs, feeling an odd shiver of discomfort through my body before curling my claws. Oh, it was ON!

I shook my head to clear the shiver from my system, as well as the quote I stole from Rarity, before feeling an icy rush of air and dodging Death's scythe swiftly as he swung it to my neck, intent on taking my head before I ducked, dodging the blade by a millimeter, but the tall spine on my head was not so lucky as I watched it get sliced off, knowing that blood would have flown from it had I been alive before I curled my right claw and upper cutted Death's right jaw, making his body be thrown back three feet.

I felt proud of myself for a second that I could actually go against the grim reaper himself, but my excitement was quickly losing fulfillment as Death merely gripped his scythe in rage before flapping his wings, propelling himself hard into my body as he slammed his left claw hard into my stomach and gripping my throat in his tail, he growled, about to speak before I blew a large stream of green fire in his face, making him drop my body with a thud as I took advantage of his surprise without hesitation.

I opened my arms as I tackled his form hard and into the ground, slamming my claws into his face, hearing a small crack I as continued with my assault before I felt a large, fully grown tail wrap around my throat before my body was lifted off Death's with ease, as he smashed me hard to his left before doing the same with his right and then throwing me farther into the ground, one yard away as the skeleton stood slowly, my body shivering with an icy numbness as I slowly stood, coughing out smoke and somehow blood.

I looked at my own blood on the ground with fascination, never knowing that I, as a soul could bleed before it vanished before my eyes, leaving nothing but the harsh white that made Death's realm.

Lifting my head, I narrowed my eyes, wanting that scythe to get back my body, life and mate before I had chosen the action that changed everything for me.

Standing up on numbed legs, I took four steps towards Death before he flew at me and slapped my body hard into the ground, then grabbing my neck with an icy cold claw, whispered his dark, cruel words into my left ear fin.

"I would have given up by now if I was you, shade, you are weak, fragile, and nothing more than a hindrance to me, not a threat in the slightest, you cannot slay me, you cannot cause me harm, you will NOT win!" he screamed, as I had enough of his ranting, and back clawed his face with my right claw before punching my left claw into his nose which shattered from the blow before spinning around quickly as he dropped me and slapped his face with my tail, I stepped back six feet quickly, making the dragon skeleton roar, not from what would have been pain if he had been flesh, but from the shock of damaging his form with my own claws.

"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME WITH YOUR FILTY CLAWS, LIZARD, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, YOUR SUFFER AND TORMENT WILL LAST FAR LONGER BY MY CLAWS THEN YOUR PUNISHMENT EVER COULD!" He screamed, his mouth spewing with black flames as he glared at me, making my body shiver before he flapped his wings and once more lifted into the air.

Death charged me again, but this time he gripped my throat in his right claw before flying up into the air and dangling me sixty feet off the ground, he growled with irritation that a mere mortal reptile like myself could defy him and cause his spiritual body harm.

He squeezed my neck harder, making me cough up blood before I, in a last minute decision punched him the face and set his cloak on fire, the emerald flames climbing up the cloth rapidly before he dropped me, trying to stop the flames from advancing and blowing them away with his wings as I fell from his grasp, knowing at the last second that I had no wings myself, what a dumbass I am.

As I dropped, seeing the ground before me, I was roughly gripped by my left leg, doing all I could to keep my tail from wrapping around Death's leg in fear of dropping and anger of my enemy, I would show as much mercy to him, as he did to me.

I looked up, seeing how Death had caught me with his tail and smirked, before I slammed my right claw hard into his tail hearing the bones crack as the lower part of his tail crumbled to dust, making him roar in annoyance as my body was dropped once again, but not before I grabbed his scythe in my tail, hearing the howls of his fury above me as I smashed into the ground as if I had run into a train, but besides my body feeling as though it had froze, I was not harmed.

I heard Death's roars of rage above me as I smiled holding his scythe in my tail before I brought it to my right claw and slowly standing up, though it felt like it took five minutes, I held it in both claws as Death flew swiftly in front of me, his fangs gritted in hatred as he held out his right claw.

"Give back the scythe, mortal. NOW!" he screeched, his voice holding anger I never thought possible as my smirk grew even more smug and I twirled it like a baton, knowing I had defeated Death himself.

"I don't think so, I won, guess that means I'm Death now." I mocked as I laughed before looking at the sliver blade that had taken more souls then I could possibly imagine.

Death somehow knew what I was thinking as he, with an annoyed growl, sighed.

"The scythe cannot give you your life back, mortal. It has powers the likes of which your feeble mind could never comprehend, but it cannot give you your body back, did you think you were the first to wonder this, reptile?!" he snarled as I gripped the wood in my claws hard, feeling them shake in rage as I felt cheated from all that I had just been through.

I felt an icy cold rush of air blow pass my body as Death stood over me, intent on getting back his weapon as I in my anger held the blade to his chin.

"Don't move you bastard." I spat as he let out an emotionless chuckle.

"And what will you do, dragon? Slay me? Do you have any idea what it would cause to all of creation, not just the living world but the dead and even the Gods themselves if you destroy me with my own scythe?!" Death snarled, in no mood for my childish games, I guess, as I shouted back.

"NO, I don't, why don't you bucking tell me, you damn skeleton!" I screamed as he only gave another emotionless chuckle, which was really starting to piss me off.

"You mortals honestly believe you understand the ways of the dead, no matter… if you were to slay me, dragon, then it would cause not only your entire existence to fade, but also every other living creature, then the dead, and slowly but surely the Gods, even Fate herself will be taken into oblivion, nothingness, darkness, ceasing all existence itself. Erasing all creation itself in this universe, all because of one selfish, worthless, mortal dragon soul which is you, Spike Sparkle." Death answered calmly as I stood with my mouth open in shock and terror, realizing the seriousness of his words as they weighed heavily upon my being.

But my pride was wounded and I had to try, I could not just give up on Twilight, I could just not surrender after all the shit I had just been through, I could not let my love down, she was the only thing I had left.

"Then who do I talk to, to restore my body?!" I shouted as the Angel of Death only sighed loudly. How he did such with no lungs, was something one could only guess.

"If you must find a way to restore your soul back to your body then you must speak with Fate, the creator of all creation herself, but no mortal or even the Gods can speak with her, it is forbidden by ancient laws, even I have only spoke with her once.

For you to do so would unbalance the laws of the universe itself, Spike Sparkle." He spoke slowly, as if I was nothing more than a baby, which made me snap with rage as I brought the scythe back about to swing it at him with all my might but he merely smacked my entire body away with his tail then grabbed the weapon as my body flew into the air before slamming into the ground.

I was thrown six feet away from him before I saw a large gash on the side of my left hip,the wound dripping blood like a river before it sealed up by itself and the blood disappeared, glaring at Death whose body was instantly healing, including his cloak and tail before he slammed the end of the scythe firmly into the ground and groaned loudly as his snout once again reformed from where I had broken it.

"I admire your persistence, reptile, you have gotten closer to my scythe and threat to destroy me than any creature ever has, and I have fought a God before, how amusing. But you have failed, which is of no surprise. All creatures cannot fathom when and why they die and must be sent to their punishment." He whispered before letting out an emotionless chuckle.

"Now, if you are done with your temper, it is time to pass on to your punishment, come, Spike Sparkle." He spoke and turned around, walking slowly away from me as I felt tears run down my face where I stood, my spiritual body draining of the rage I had felt before wiping my tears with my tail, followed after the reaper of souls, having no other choice in the matter. I had lost after all.

* * *

**Author's Note: This will be a very, very dark story so I'm hoping all of you can understand and give your thoughts and options on such, it will be three, maybe four chapters. Most likely three. Enjoy and please read and reivew my fellow author friends. **

**Very special thanks to DarianStephens, he's done a real amazing job that I could not with being an editor, means a lot to me.**


	2. Letter two: Deception and lies

*Spike's P.O.V*

I looked in fear at the creature before me, was….was I truly dead? I had no clue but seeing Death himself in front of me, near my soul terrified me to no end.

"Where am I? How long have I been here?" I growled showing no hesitation to show my anger in front of this creature, I was going to fight if I had to, even if it was not a smart move on my part, but I was a damn dragon for Celestia's sake, we were the most feared race on the planet and I'll be damned if I'm going to wet myself at the sight of Death himself.

The dragon skeleton merely growled in annoyance before he spoke, his voice was so cold, as if they were nothing but pure ice itself.

"You are in my realm, my domain, Spike the dragon, and I would watch your mouth of how you address me, reptile." He spoke in a harsh tone when strangely had no emotion in it, making me gulp, anxious to be done with the neutral creature already.

"You're…your domain? What the buck am I doing-?"

"Silence, mortal dragon and come forth, for your punishment awaits and I have little time to entertain a weak hearted soul such as yourself." Death spoke in an icy tone that caused me to shut up instantly but I still had a few questions for the immortal and I was not going anywhere until they were answered.

"First answer me a few questions. Are you really a dragon, or-"

"The form you see before you is merely a spiritual representation of what your mind can understand, for many creatures my form often changes to fit their mindsets, for a pony I am the form of the same skeleton but a pony, I am told the same for griffons, zebras, even Gods when they fade." He answered calmly but I could tell I was making the Angel of Death annoyed by my questions and still, I had to ask more.

"Gods can fade? Celestia, Luna, Discord, Ca-"

"When mortal creatures do not wish to put their faith in a God or Goddess then yes, they can fade away and are reaped by me before they cease existence, fading away until time had all but forgotten them, but that is very rare." He spoke, making me pissed about how calm he was about this but I was not done yet.

"When did I die? I mean-"

"Your body ceased life two weeks ago from blood loss as you ripped your own throat out with your right claw, the only reason you have not entered my domain much earlier is because I had many, many more souls to reap from a war with the Timberwolves and Diamond Dogs and I could not spare a moment for a spineless reptile who committed suicide being so busy.

You had to wait, just as many souls had to until your time. During that time your soul merely faded into darkness without sound, sight or any sort of sense until your appointed time of judgment." He said so casually that I had trouble wrapping my mind around it.

I faded into darkness and did not even notice it? The buck? I needed a cigarette right now.

"But….but I did not think-"

"That you would end up in Tartarus for your sins, those who take their own life share no rewards of the Heavens, and it is of the greatest crime to take your own life, decreed by the Gods themselves." He interrupted without allowing me to even finish my question, it was starting to piss me off….but he was Death, so he did know all questions answered by the souls he reaped, I guess.

"But I prayed to Princess Luna, she was to answer my pleads and-"

"And grant you access into the Heavens? No, judgment of your soul rest on me, not the Gods and it has been this way since time for this world has begun, since all creation to be more accurate." Death snapped, in no mood for such pointless questions I knew and I was wasting more time and merely keeping him from his eternal job, but I could not pass onto my punishment without talking to any creature, even if it was a God, I needed answers, and bones and emotionless here was not going to answer them.

"Please, let me go see one of the Gods, surely-"

"And of what would that accomplish, mortal dragon? The Gods are busy; they have no time for stray souls to bother them-"

"Then grant me an audience with one who will you bucking dictator! I need to ask them some questions, it won't take long, I swear and in the mean time you can judge other souls…please." To be honest I knew that how I snapped at the creature that held my soul in his claw was not a good way to grant me my wish, but I was going to Hell anyway, so I might as well go out with a blast.

Death merely grunted, if he had eyes, I'm betting they would have glowed in rage but he merely shrugged in irritation, probably thinking that I was more trouble than I was worth as he spoke in his cruel, emotionless tone with his answer.

"Very well, Spike Sparkle, The Goddess of Night has time on her hooves, I will grant you an audience with her, and you have ten minutes, be quick with your words for you will never get a second chance. I must be near the Element of Laughter's soul at this time, so do not waste your time with the Goddess." His words made my ear fins spread out in shock and horror.

"PINKIE PIE!" I screamed not understanding why he had to be near her body, was she ok? But Death merely snapped his fingers and my body was teleported away from his domain in a flash of white.

*With Twilight Sparkle*

The lavender unicorn was drunk, drinking from the entire bottle of the red wine after she broke her first glass and did not settle for a second.

She was pissed, were Spike's words acutely true? Did she really kiss up to Princess Celestia that much? Was she truly only a worthless, mortal unicorn who did nothing but study? Did Spike really do drugs, drink and smoke without her paying much attention?

What other sins has he done to stain his scales? What more darkness could the dragon do to cause their love to evaporate? What more had she not really known about the teenage dragon that she was learning about now from his suicide and only three bucking pieces of paper? Did she really need to even know?

With a deep breath and narrowing her eyes to look at the paper before her, the second letter titled Letter two: _Deception and lies; a cursed soul trapped in scales_.

She took a larger swallow of the bottle wrapped in her magic, it being almost empty as she took a mental note to get another, maybe grape before she begin to read the heart crushing paper written by her mate.

**_My dearest Twilight Sparkle,_**

**_I know you're worried, seeing what I had done to myself would have wounded any romantic partner's heart and for that you have my sincere apology my love, but….it had to be done, it needed to be Twi._**

**_I honestly could not live with myself anymore, knowing how I was ripping our love to shreds, being the monster that I was, being the beast that you accused me of in your eyes, the fights we had, and the words were spoken in the fit of rage and spite towards the other._**

**_I…I'm so sorry, Twi, honestly I am. I never meant to do as I done, I swear but….it was in a fit of suffering, of denial towards our love…..of wanting to injure your heart, I wish now, no. I swear now that I would have done anything to take it back, Twi….but the deed….the sin, was committed._**

**_And you deserve to know the truth, I betrayed you Twilight Sparkle…..I broke your heart by the physical action I had performed on the night that I stormed out of the house in a fit of depression and fury, intent at doing something to take my mind off the fight that we had spat at each other with malice._**

**_I got drunk that night, four months ago and met Scootaloo at the old Cutie Mark Crusader club house without meaning to, her being sixteen years of age as she is now if I'm right….and I slept with her._**

**_Not a day, night or even second goes by that I don't regret it, I give you my Dragon Code oath, I even told her that what we had done that night was nothing more than a one night stand, and she understood because she had betrayed her own mate, Rumble when we had bucked together in haste and drunken lust, it was not emotional, it was not passionate and I promise you…it meant nothing._**

**_But I had done the act with a friend that meant nothing more than that, a friend…and in that action, in that sin that I would forever regret, I shattered the trust and love that our relationship held…..with my own claws._**

**_My words were cloaked in rage, lust and alcohol after I had left our house and spoken to her, I'm sorry Twilight…so sorry._**

**_Even before I had cheated on you, I had done an action to you physically that would haunt me for the rest of my life….I physically laid my claws on you rage and for that….it was one of the reasons why I left this land….why I could not handle living with myself._**

**_I'm an awful, awful creature, I will not deny it…I don't deserve your love, your warmth, your heart. I don't even deserve your mercy and will never ask for your forgiveness…I can never forgive myself._**

**_I could not go on, so I allowed my sins, my regrets, my depression to lead to what you see before you…I'm sorry Twi, I never meant to hurt you._**

**_With love, honesty and regret,_**

**_Spike Sparkle._**

Twilight could seriously not believe what she was reading. Was this some kind of cruel, sick joke, were the Gods really against her and her love for the dragon that she had to read this dark, tragic story before her eyes?

Did Spike cruelty cheat on her with Scootaloo who was now in Manehatten with Vinyl Scratch helping her out with a large party that was preformed there each year for reasons Twilight forgot and honestly did not care about, at least not at the moment.

"Why Scootaloo, what did have against me that he had to use her for sexual relief?" Twilight wondered to herself as she drunk the rest of the bottle of red wine in her magic than without a second thought got out another, grape wine this time with her magic from the kitchen cabinet and with uncorking the top, she drunk a full quarter of it, her mind flashing back to the point in time that Spike had mentioned, when he stormed out the house in a fit of anger.

*Spike's letter P.O.V, four months ago*

I could not believe this shit, I was sent home early today when I was helping out the Apple family around the farm for extra bits when Apple Bloom complained that I was doing a poor, sloppy job.

I was not slacking off, I was exhausted. Despise working at Ponyville Spa as a massager I needed the extra bits to take Twilight out to a nice dinner that was VERY expensive and have a great time with her, instead I get sent off the farm by Applejack agreeing with her sister which pissed me off.

I love Apple Bloom, she's like a sister to me but sometimes she can be such a bitch. On top of the horse shit I was going through today, I had to work another shift when I thought I had the day off. I respect my bosses, they were very reasonable and their accents were to die for but right now I was having second thoughts about my job.

So after I got off work and smoked a cigarette because I really needed the nicotine, I went home saying hi to Fluttershy, Dinky Doo, and Sweetie Belle along the way before opening the door, which in my eyes was the first mistake.

"SPIKE!" I heard my marefriend, Twilight Sparkle shout as I cringe; I was seriously not in the mood to go fetching her books around like a slave today, maybe tomorrow.

But still, she was my love so like the loyal dragonfriend I was, I walked up the stairs leading to our bedroom and answered back lazily.

"Yes, Hun?" I spoke calmly for Twilight sounded angry, for reasons I could not fathom.

"Where is; A guide to lyrical rhymes at? Vinyl Scratch wanted to borrow it for her trip to Manehatten tomorrow and I need to find it, can you help me out?" she spoke in a fanatic tone that used to make me laugh when I was young but now it was started to get annoying.

"Actually Twilight, I'm really tired from work all day, how about I help you look for it later, you know-"

"No Spike, I really need your help, not only that but I need to send a letter to Princess Celestia, then after that you promised to take me to the park to help out with-"

"I asked you if we could do this later, Twi. I'm EXHAUSED and I really, really don't want to do anything special right now. Talk to me in a few hours, and then I'll help." I snapped.

Annoyed at how she thought we could do whatever SHE wanted at any given second, I had responsibilities now and I was trying to do something really nice for her, but I'm not any bucking dog ready to come when called.

I'm her dragonfriend, and with the amount of stress I been in all week I wanted nothing more than to rest for a few hours…or a hundred years, whichever came first.

But Twilight was having none of it, if I would have looked at her earlier I would have noticed the bags under her eyes, the way her hooves shuffled in impatience that her day was not going so well with all the promises she made and to make it worse she was in heat which while it's very great to get into at night, it's a nightmare during the day time to get through and Twilight might have had enough of my attitude that I been giving her for the last few days.

"YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU, SPIKE SPARKLE!" She screamed which made me pause midway up the stairs to our room and turn around, reaching the point of screaming myself, instead I turned around and with my eyes narrowed in outrage growled.

"What was that?!" the tone in my voice made her step back in fright knowing that it was not good to anger an almost full grown dragon….well, at least by pony standers.

"I…I'm sick of your attitude Spike, you been nothing but an ass all week long and-"

"Oh, I'm SORRY for wanting to have a job and extra bits to show my marefriend a great time, I'm SORRY that I don't cater to your every whim like when I was ten, Mistress Sparkle, and I'm SORRY for having so many DAMN shifts at my job that I can't come when you beckon like a good, BUCKING DOG!" I screamed, taking a step down the stairs with every word before I was a foot away from her, Twilight taking three steps back not seeing me in such an angered and emotional state before, unless having my heart broken by Rarity for the last time when I was twelve counted.

Twilight was near tears at the point as she looked at me with my eyes narrowed in anger and black smoke blowing out my nostrils, if I had paid any attention to the words she spoke now, the action that happened next would have never happened at all, and it was one that I would forever regret.

"I never beckon you like a canine, Spike; I have never treated you like some type of slave. I love you, and I understand you're stressed, but I'm really having a difficult time right now as well, you can rest later, just please….please write me a letter to Princess Celestia and then we can call it a night, I promise." She begged, and I would have felt pity for her but I was still a bit ticked by the way she shouted at me that I barely registered her honest, caring and gentle voice as I turned away, walking and grabbing a pack of Diseased Stallion cigarettes from the table to the left of me.

"I'm going for a smoke." I replied quietly as Twilight reached out a hoof to put on my right shoulder and upon the contact I lost it in a fit of rage, thinking that she was going to turn me around to scream at me more due to her hormones as I spun around without thinking.

And I back clawed her in the face with my right claw, I would never forget feeling my body move faster than my brain could catch up and my claw smacking her right cheek hard, hard enough for a bruise to make things much worse.

Twilight's body dropped to the floor board like stone as she held a hoof to her injured cheek, sobbing from the blow as my eyes widen in shock from the harm I had done to her.

I had struck Twilight Sparkle, my love, my heart…..my marefriend and I could never take it back, it was an accident, nothing I could ever do could make the action I had done to her be taken back, I could never take what I had done with my own two claws back.

But I tired.

"Twi I swear, I never meant-"

"Get out." She whispered, tears streaking the fur down on her face like a waterfall as her eyes with closed and her hoof still on her bruised check, her body rocking from the physical trauma I had caused her.

"What?" I asked, not hearing her voice crack as she shouted the words.

"GET THE BUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" she screamed, and taking a step back, my eyes looked at her weeping, shocked and pained form before I turned away like a coward instead of comforting her like I should, even though it would have ended in getting many painful hits, it was worth it if she would have forgiven me for my rash choice.

Instead I turned towards the downstairs, throwing my cigarettes away from me as I ran and curled my claws in anguish of what I had done.

I was out the door of Golden Oaks Library and slamming it hard as I walked out, ignoring the stares that a few ponies were giving me, I ran towards the forest, thinking that running away from my problems, from my guilt would redeem me of my sin that I had done to the pony I loved more than anything.

I did not even notice it was night by the time I somehow walked towards the old Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse, my feet on autopilot and my mind racing with dark thoughts, from going to Canterlot to get thrown in prison for the remainder of Twilight's life span to going into a Timberwolves clan and allowing them to feast on my flesh.

I screamed at the night sky with all the air in my lungs would allow, a jet of long, emerald colored flames following after my rage from my mouth, and almost burning the trees around me but missed by inches as I sat down hard on the ramp that lead into the club house, not hearing a voice behind me before I felt a hoof touch my back and I flinched, not knowing any creature was near me as I turned around looking into the grayish purple colored eyes of the Pegasus mare named Scootaloo.

With her orange fur, moderate cerise colored mane and tail and regular spanned in width wings, her tail flicking in a hint of fear but mainly worry as she looked at me with concern making me wonder just what she was doing here.

"Hey, Spike….what's up?" Scootaloo asked raising an eyebrow as she looked at me, not understanding a bit of what I was going through as of this day and my emotions were running so high that I broke and told her the entire tale, sobbing so hard that I was hiccupping.

Scootaloo listened with interest before sitting down beside me as I told her every detail of the shit I had done this day, wanting to tell any pony of what I was going through.

Scootaloo was a lot like Rainbow Dash in the regard that she was laid back and used to doing things her own way but she was really loyal and could get serious when she needed to.

As such, she looked into my eyes with a serious expression on her face as my tale ended and lit a cigarette in her mouth with a match she held in her tail, inhaling the nicotine before blowing out the gray smoke out of her nose, then flicking the match away, she took the cigarette out with her tail and spoke in a calm voice she rarely ever used.

"Spike be honest…did you mean to hit, Twilight?" she asked calmly as I shouted no making her jump from the anger in my voice making me apologize.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead with a claw looking at the Pegasus and took another deep breath before looking at the cigarette she had put back into her mouth.

"Can I have one?" I asked calmly making her smirk before hoofing me one and watching as I lit it with my flames, frowning with her eyes a bit narrowed remarking.

"Lucky." As I merely chuckled, not sure how to respond to such a comment but glad that the nicotine helped calmed me down….at least for a while.

"So…what are you doing out here?" I asked curious as could what could cause the young mare to be a bit away from town and alone.

"Well, I'm going to Manehatten with Vinyl Scratch to host a large block party and even though she offered me a place at her house, I'm used to sleeping in the club house when I want time to myself, even to get away from my sister, Cheerile. So…here I am. In the morning I'll be helping Vinyl pack, then go to the city, music is my special talent after all." She replied with a smirk, showing me her Cutie Mark of a microphone wrapped in purple flames, most likely meaning that she was good at rapping, hip-hop music, something I enjoyed when in the mood.

I stared at the Cutie Mark a bit more before my eyes looked over her firm, sexy fla-

"What the buck am I thinking?!" I growled to myself, I mean don't get me wrong, Scootaloo has a nice body if one liked a loud, smart assed tomfilly but I was with Twilight, not Scootaloo though I would be lying if I was to say I did not have a bit of a crush on her when I was fourteen but that was a long time ago and besides she was with Rumble just as I was with Twilight.

Shaking my head to get images of Scootaloo out of my mind, I stood up, intent on going somewhere else where temptation was not at its strongest before Scootaloo called out to me.

"Where you going?" she questioned as I merely growled

"Back to town."

The Pegasus stood up as well, flicking her used cigarette away onto the ground as I inhaled my own, a bigger drag before exhaling it out of my mouth, watching the mare look at me with disappointment, something that was rare in Scootaloo.

"You seriously have to go now? Come on, Spike…chill a while, I won't bite. Besides, do you really want to go back to town to face Twilight and no doubt her friends after what you did to her?" she spoke, her tone a bit cruel but not accusing as she knew it was an accident.

I paused, weighting my options on this. Scootaloo was a friend, a former crush yes, but a friend nonetheless and she was offering to not be as harsh as many ponies would be if I walked back into town.

It's been years since I ever set foot into the Cutie Mark Crusaders club house, as I was a member despise never having nor obtaining a Cutie Mark, along with Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Rumble, Pipsqueak, Dinky Doo, Babs Seed, and Scootaloo even Ruby Pinch before she swiftly gotten her Cutie Mark in cooking.

So I was a bit excited to see the old tree house even though I was almost an adult as I sighed, took one last drag of my cigarette and tossed it aside looking at Scootaloo's sad, honest eyes with a smile as I nodded making her cheer softly, as if she was a foal as I laughed.

Once the two of us entered the tree house, I looked over the old wooden structure and sat down on a tan colored couch where Scootaloo may have been sleeping as memories came rushing back to me from our old crusader days.

Such as when we tried to be animal herders with all of Fluttershy's animals, making a force of bears, otters, ducks, birds, chickens and being led by Angel Bunny chased us back into town, or the time we tried to sneak unto a train going into Appleloosa to help them with another despite with the Buffalos but were caught.

I laughed out loud as I remembered the time Dinky Doo tried to get us to help out at the post office, almost getting her mother Derpy Hooves, fired and getting us kicked out, no doubt banned for life from entering into the establishment and being giving a very stern talking to by Mayor Mare.

I chuckled as I remembered the days, when life was so carefree and crazy before my guilt of what led I right here shattered my view of memory lane with what I had done to Twilight, my marefriend.

I sighed loudly, already depressed before I felt a sudden weight on the other side of me and looked to see Scootaloo with her wrings wrapped around two ice cold bottles of hard cidar.

Giving one of them to me which I opened with my talons before I did the same with her own, right before she got out a bottle opener and scowled at me as I laughed before smiling at her with a wink as she rolled her eyes with a small smile.

The two of us drunk, reminiscing on old, almost forgotten memories and drinking the night away, two hours later we were completely shit-faced, eight bottles of the alcohol were completely empty and on the ground below us as we were laughing from a joke Sweetie Belle recently told Scootaloo, finding the joke ten times funnier because of the liquor in our systems.

Scootaloo was dying, laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her furred face as I had to pat her hard on the back when she started coughing.

I grinned as she panted before looking at me with large, purple eyes making me wonder how I never realized that despise the tough attitude she put in front of everypony else how beautiful her eyes were as I burped loudly causing her to snicker.

"Ah, Spike we have got to hang out more, I haven't seen a creature drink like that since Pipsqueak was still with us." She chuckled as I hiccupped, a bit confused on what she meant by 'since'.

My mind and body were slow by I still caught her words as I asked quietly.

"What do you mean since, Scoots? Did something happen to him?" I asked swaying and blinking my eyes as her cheerful banter dropped slightly and she answered softly.

"Pip died on a train ride back to Manehatten, a years ago, Ruby Pinch was so depressed, you know they been going out since we were twelve?" she said so quietly that I almost did not catch her words before she continued.

"Ruby, in a state of depression threw herself off Ponyville cliff….we really, really tried to talk her out of it, and she loved him. They were engaged and about to get married in two weeks before poor Pip died. Her mother, Berry Punch, had drunk herself to death, poor mare." Scootaloo sighed loudly before getting another bottle of hard cidar and passing it over to me with her wing as I opened it as was our routine and gave it back.

After all the laughs, smiles and cheer we shared tonight it was hard to get into such a depressed state but I could not help but remember the amazing colt or rather young stallion that Pipsqueak was.

He was an awesome guy, even more daring then Scootaloo if that was possible, he did not deserve to die in such a tragic way, but it's so hard to think of Ruby Pinch taking her own life, she was nothing short of love and happiness….did such darkness really dwell in all ponies?

Did we do something that angers the Gods to such fates?

I shook my head, really wanting to get out of this depressed mindset before I felt a weight on my shoulder as I looked to see Scootaloo trying to fall asleep with her head on my right shoulder as I chuckled and shook her firmly.

"Wake up, Feather Brain!" I laughed causing her to smile and open her eyes with a playful glare.

"Go to hell." She countered back making me pick her body up with my claws and strength causing her to laugh as we stumbled back into the couch, her body on top if mine, we would have blushed or spoken apologizes but we were far to intoxicated to even think of embarrassment.

"You have stunning eyes." Scootaloo's voice spoke into my left ear fin as I blinked and nervously chuckled, not knowing how to respond.

"Um…thanks, Scoots…I guess." I answered back as I knew she was drunk beyond reason and even though I was the same way, I should have stopped what happened next. I really, really should have….but instead I encouraged it and now I could never rid myself of the sin that stained my scales.

She leaned in and with a look of lust in her eyes, she kissed me on the lips, in my drunken mind I did what was only natural and kissed back, letting my claws go from holding her hips to trailing down to her ass and squeezed as she gasped in pleasure, breaking contact with my lips to kiss my nose, her front hooves trailing all over my chest as she burped loudly but the two of us ignore the smell and her gross habit, to engrossed with lust to give a damn.

My left claw was gently squeezing her ass, pulling lightly on her tail before it trailed down to her tail hole and I let a claw brush it before touching her wet, moist lower lips of her vagina making her squeal causing me to laugh before she punched me in the gut.

Ignoring the pain, my right claw slid from her soaked marehood to one of her teats as my tail intertwined with her own.

I opened my mouth to feel Scootaloo's own tongue fight for dominance of my mine and after a few minutes she won, exploring every inch of my orifice as I moaned and wanting revenge for the tongue war, swiftly slid one of my claws into her ass hole as she screamed in pain.

"Careful, you stupid lizard." She growled breaking contact with my lips as I inserted two of my claws from my right claw into her vagina, her wet, dripping hole was hot and caused both of us to pant as I thrust my three claws into her, making her body rock back and forth wanting them to go in deeper.

I kissed her nose then we got into another tongue war in which Scootaloo won again, she was vicious when it came to sex and it was hard for me to keep up with her.

After five minutes of pumping my fingers into her holes, her vaginal walls clenched hard as she rode out her orgasm screaming loud into the air forcing me to put my left claw over her mouth which she bit after she was coming off her high.

"You are kinky." She chuckled making me only wink back to her as I pulled my fingers from her ass and vagina, my fingers glistering with her juices which I quickly licked off as she joined me, slowly allowing her tongue to trail up and down my claw as she looked at me with wide, innocent eyes making my penis slide from in between my lower scales.

Scootaloo looked down seeing something poke her stomach as she grinned looking at my full length member.

"Is that your cock?" she whispered into my left ear fin as I only nodded causing her to laugh and kiss my lips, she untwisted her tail from mine and went lower to look at my cock, it not being such a big deal, only purple like the rest of my scales with green ridges on the sides and a small pink tip, being six inches in length.

But Scootaloo was starting at it as if she was expecting it to sing.

Rolling my eyes I leaned my head back on the couch, closed my eyes and whispered "Lick it." As she merely stared at it with wide eyes as if she's never seen a dragon's dick, which, myself being the only dragon in town I guess she has not.

With a bit of hesitation, she slowly licked the tip, causing me to groan before she licked again then began to put the whole thing in her mouth and started to deep throat it, almost making my eyes roll to the back of my head from overwhelming pleasure, she was so SKILLED with her tongue it was amazing.

She licked and sucked on it until it was covered in saliva then after she sucked on it for a few more minutes, licking it while coming up she brought her mouth away from it and asked "Where are your balls?"

I was in so much pleasure from her action that I did not even knew she spoken before I opened my eyes and through the haze of lust asked what it was she said.

"Your balls, Scales…don't you have them?" she asked with confusion as I thought to what it was Twilight had said to me when I asked her the same question before.

"Oh…they are internal, you know…inside my body?" I answered as she merely nodded before going back to what she was doing before, after about ten more minutes and how good she was at doing this, I came.

My white sperm shot from my penis like a rocket, shooting load, after load of the stuff, guess I must have had more sexual tension in my body then I thought.

It landed all over Scootaloo's face, mane and a few drops got on her tail as she chuckled then licked her lips, cleaning the remaining on my dick with her mouth as I sighed.

I opened my eyes just in time to see Scootaloo lift her body up and line her genitals up with my own before she lowered her body down, allowing my member to be consumed by the soaked, heated warmth of her vagina as we both moaned, she grinned, kissed my lips and told me to relax before pushing her lower body up and slamming it back down making us moan as I put my claws behind my head and allowed her to do all the work, as she asked.

After thirty minutes of bucking me senseless, as I smacked her ass to keep her moving and groan in tune with her own, lust filled moans, she gripped my neck hard with her hooves and screamed into the air as she orgasm and laid her head on my chest, her body wet and scented with sweat as I chuckled and kissed her lips, even though I had not finished myself and I was fine with that.

But Scootaloo, even in her weak, horny state was having none of it.

"You allowed me to finish, so I'll allow you….put it in my ass." She growled and slapped me as I told her it was fine, it was a weak hit but it still made me a bit turned on.

With a roll of my eyes, I heaved myself from the couch and allowed my feet to touch the cold, wooden floor board as she turned her flank around to face me, lifting her tail up which I gripped in a claw and slapped her ass making her moan, I wasted no time as I lined my penis to her tail hole and slowly pushed in, making the two of us moan loudly.

Her ass muscles clenched hard against my dick as I pushed farther in, snorting out a small cloud of black smoke as I rocked my hips a little making her moan.

She was so tight, it was almost painful as I bottomed out then shoved it back in making her grunt in pain as I ignored it and smacked her ass again, already breathing hard and near close to cumming before I breathed out.

"Thought you told me to let you do all the work." I growled making her turn her head and wink with her left eye, answering back.

"I lied." She giggled before I smirked and pulling back I slammed harder into her making her shout in pain before I released with a roar, small jet green flames spewing from my mouth and exhausted from the sexual activity, I fell back onto the couch and in my drunken, dimming lust driven desire held her in my arms and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning having a major headache and wondering why I my body smelled so bad, noticing that Scootaloo was gone and the bottles still on the floor, my memory, though a bit fuzzy remembered one very important detail, making me hold my head in shame and fear of what I had done.

"I cheated on Twilight."

*Spike's P.O.V, present day*

I looked around the area I was in, noticing the familiar star dotted room of Princess Luna, why I was in her bedroom, I had no clue.

The Goddess of the Night, moon, dreams, and stars themselves was on her balcony, waiting for the moment in which her sister would lower the sun so she could raise the moon, as was her duty.

"Um…Luna?" I called out with a bit of nervousness making her jump before she spun around, horn lighting a corbel blue to no doubt blast me to bits before she notice who had spoken to her, as I cowered under my claws.

"Ah, it is you Spike the dragon. I did not notice you have arrived in Canterlot, and so late. Why do you hail here, young dragon?" she asked calmly, cutting off her flow of magic before walking towards me and frowning, speaking before I could even reply.

"Wait….you, you are not in a physical state, and this is no dream….Spike, are you…dead?" she asked slowly as I could do nothing more than nod, noticing the shock and shame in her eyes as she sighed loudly.

"I have heard as much, but I did not honestly believe it, I would have been at the funeral but I was on royal business from a war that broke out among the Timberwolves and Diamond Dogs…it was brutal, both sides lost so many lives….and none was the victor, so they settled on a truce. How long it will last, I am not sure. At any case, I am sorry Spike; it's so tragic to see one so young die. But why have you come to me?" She questioned making me repeat what I had said to Death as I saw her eyes narrow in anger and her teeth grit before she spoke.

"You should not have done that, Spike Sparkle, there is a reason why the Gods do not meddle with the Angel of Death himself, I am sorry, but I cannot aid you. You have chosen your fate, and not even a Goddess can interfere with the judgment of a soul." Luna spoke, her voice cold and cruel but her words honest as I felt my head drop in shame, so not even the Gods could help me now.

"I…I'm sorry Princess Luna, I'm so sorry." I said softly, spiritual tears falling from my face and disappearing like mist when they touched the floor, Luna walked towards me and though she knew she was not able to, she tried to hug me, her physical form going right through my spiritual as she whispered calmly.

"I know my child…I know." She spoke and with a sad, tragic smile turned around, going to raise the moon as was required I sighed loudly, and looked at her for the last time before my soul was teleported from the physical form back into Death's domain as I looked upon the grim reaper with hatred about to swear my mouth off to him for my fate before I noticed another soul with him, my heart dropping in surprise and pain seeing the mare before my eyes, her mane and tail straight and her eyes filled with pain.

"Pinkie Pie?!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Damn, this has to be the longest chapter for or even that I have ever written before *YAY!* And also my first time writing clop, I thought I did ok, nothing to bad I hope but that's what the fans are for LOL. This has to be one of the darkest stories I ever written before ...I think.**

**And now to celebrate my awesome new chapter, I'm going for a smoke, hope you all enjoy, and await the next chapter of this very dark and tragic tale.**

**Also, orgianlly, I was going to put Spike striking Twilight in Lost soul of Equstria but since I'm thinking of delating that story I don't think I will and the tone of this story fits it so much better then that story anyway.**


	3. Letter three:A monster praying to redeem

*Spike's P.O.V*

I looked on in puzzlement, just what was Pinkie Pie doing here? What had happened to her that she had been taken from her physical body and entered into Death's realm? Was it even possible for two souls to travel with Death to their respectful afterlives?

I stared at the pink furred mare with her raspberry colored mane, tail and light cerulean eyes, her mane and tail were completely straight unlike the odd curls they often held which made me sad for she was always cheerful, full of life and many, many times random at any given second, something very serious must have happened for them to be so…depleted and her eyes to be filled with pain, sorrow, fear and anguish that I saw in them.

I opened my mouth to speak, to say anything about the questions swarming my mind, was this some kind of dark, bucking joke that the Gods were tormenting me with?

No, that was not possible for Luna herself told me that the Gods could not intervene with the judgment of a soul, but that revelation really did not lift my spirits as I realized that Pinkie Pie was truly dead and that….that saddened me more than I would have ever thought, but what had happened to her was the real question I was dying to know.

Death turned and with his scythe still in his right claw beckoned for the two of us to follow him as I scowled, hating the immortal skeleton very much as Pinkie merely blinked then with small, depressed steps followed after the reaper of souls.

I shuffled closer to Pinkie as we walked, before bending down slightly and whispering into her ear for I was a few inches taller than ponies.

"Pinkie Pie, what happened to you? Why are you….dead?" I asked very quietly in case Death overheard which I had no doubt he did as the mare turn her head to look at me and only replied.

"I'm following the skeleton unicorn stallion with his long, black on black cloak and his black colored wooden scythe with the long, curved sliver blade silly…what else would I be doing?" She spoke, her lips trying to go from the heart breaking frown I saw when I first met her here to a smile, but it was a small, sad smile and her expression quickly went back to a frown of depression making me grit my fangs in anger as I stopped in my tracks, I wanted answers, NOW!

Death must have sensed that I paused for he stopped after being six feet in front of us before turning around, Pinkie Pie stopping with me as she cocked her head in confusion with her wide, innocent eyes filled with so much sadness.

"Why are you hesitating on the journey to your punishment, reptile?" Death spat in spite, but it was cold, emotionless and held no real threat in it making me growl in rage.

"I want to know what the hay happened to her?! Pinkie Pie is one of the most logic defying ponies I have ever met, she could do feats that many creatures wish they could do, and I seriously don't think a pony like-"

"SILENCE YOUR TOUNGE, REPTILE!" Death shouted, his tone made my blood boil but listen to his words as he continued.

"The death of the mare is of no concern to you, but if you truly wish to see this ponies fate I shall oblige, be warned drake that every creature has darkness within them and that what your eyes shall see is something that even if you try to deny shall be the truth." He spoke darkly and with a single tap of his scythe on the ground, or maybe a hoof tapping the floor in Pinkie's eyes, the entire landscape was changed to that of color, sound and life…or what seem to be as I saw Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie's work place and home as Mr. and Mrs. Cake were leading Pinkie Pie herself out the door of the bakery.

But this was not my story to tell…it was Pinkie Pie's.

*Pinkie Pie's P.O.V, one week earlier*

My mind was spinning, I had just been fired from the job I been doing for the past two years almost three to be exact for accidently putting a chemical in a batch of cake I had been making, it was an accident, I swear, I never meant for that pony to go the hospital.

And yet I had been put out on the streets by my bosses, their angry faces glaring at me as I was led out the door, given my final pay and Gummy, my green scaled, purple eyed male alligator, told I could never again work in Sugarcube Corner.

I was very tired from filling out a large order of two thousand cupcakes, brownies, some of Bon-Bon's treats and a small amount of cakes for a party that was being held by Princess Cadence, the Goddess of Love's birthday and yet I still soldiered on, trying my best to fill out the orders and not sleeping for the past four days.

I had added bleach to the cake mix I was doing when it was supposed to be water, it was an honest mistake and yet…I was a bit angry how I was framed for it and getting arrested for trying to kill the Princess of the Crystal Kingdom. I had been drained by Spike's death, poor little guy killed himself, Spike! Of all creatures and it made every pony in Ponyville depressed so that the party could not be celebrated the way a party should have.

The funeral was awful, one of the most depressing settings I had been into; the Goddesses themselves being there along with all of the Crystal Ponies and Twilight would not stop crying, even for a second, it was very, very sad.

I had been put in jail for three days before I was bailed out by my friends, all but Twilight who had not left the library for days, poor girl. But I could understand her depression though, because my sister, Blinkie Pie had been killed from a large rock crushing her spine when they were stacking the rocks for the annual inspection so my family could make the bits to support the rock farm.

My family was so furious for me not attending the funeral because I had not been told until two days later after her death and I would never forget what my mother had said to me.

"Family by blood means that you are always there for them, no matter what your own personal problems are. But you were not there when your sister needed you, Pinkamena; you were not there for your family. You're dead to me, Pinkie….your dead." I had wept for weeks after she screamed those words to me; I was abandoned by my own family.

So on top of the oh great and sugar filled horse shit I was going through I had to put up a smile and pretend to be ok as my friends just said that I was Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.

My mane and tail was slowly uncurling, my emotions were high unlike anything I had ever been through even when I thought my friends had forgotten about me during my birthday party five years ago.

I was homeless, had no money and depressed, I had a criminal record now for an accident and even was known as the deranged mare for getting into a physical fight with Derpy Hooves when she had flown into me without even meaning to, making me in such an angered state of mine snap.

I punched the mare in the nose and that triggered her into getting angry and hitting me back as we fought until two unicorns had to pull us away from each other with their magic; she had won the fight though and I was left bleeding, bruised and my ego wounded and broken to the point where I doubt it could ever be restored.

My friends tried so hard to comfort me but I can tell they were struggling with their own lives, with Scootaloo getting into a huge argument with Rainbow Dash and leaving for Manehatten with Vinyl Scratch away from her older sister Cheerlie as well as Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy being put in the hospital trying to break up a fight between a bear and a manticore and leaving large scars over her body that would never heal, and Spike's suicide, making Twilight more anti-social then I ever seen her in my life, trapped in her large tree home, crying herself to sleep.

If that did not make things worse, Applejack's little sister, Apple Bloom had been killed by a group of Timberwolves while traveling to Zecora's home one day alone to help her with some potions, a month ago and Rarity.

Poor Rarity's little sister Sweetie Belle tried to commit suicide, almost stabbing herself in the heart with her magic before she was stopped by Rarity herself and put into Ponyville asylum because of her marefriend's death, the two of them being together for two years, making ponies whisper that I should also been sent there behind my back, ponies I had thought were my friends even.

Our lives were awful and despise what Applejack was going through what with Apple Bloom's death and Granny Smith dying from old age two months ago, she and her older brother Big Macintosh were the only one holding down the farm in Ponyville she still took me in, before I had ruined the chance with my own two hooves.

I was hungry, had no bits to support myself and had to give Gummy to Fluttershy before the accident whose house was being watched over by Golden Harvest or as many ponies nicknamed her, Carrot Top now and I was living in a cardboard box in an ally due to none of my friends being able to support me.

I could not fly to Rainbow Dash's cloud home as I often wished, I could not show my face at Rarity's as I knew she could not handle the stress with everything she was going through, her business failing with her own emotions taking over her art for fashion.

I often watched Rainbow Dash get drunk and ask for a cigarette, her liver I heard was failing from the large amount of alcohol she consumed each day and no pony could help her, not even one of the Goddesses.

No pony would hire a mare who tried to 'assassinate' one of the Gods; I was left alone, without any pony to be there for me…I had nothing left.

And yet, when Applejack's sad, dark shadow appeared over my box as I was eating a piece of moldy bread, her orange fur radiating like a sunset, her once playful moderate sap green eyes and her once flowing, put in a ponytail pale, light grayish olive mane and tail that shined like the sun itself that was dirty, completely un kept as I saw she was drunk which was rare to see in Applejack.

She smiled at me, weeping of how great a friend I truly was before giving me a hug and then with a small kiss on my nose, one that made me blush underneath my fur before she turned and ran into the streets, attempting to kill herself by getting crushed under one of the carriages rushing past, but I had pushed her out the way by the last second making her break her left rear leg and crushing any hope that the farm had left of restoring itself.

I visited Applejack every day that I could in the hospital, but she had called me am evil, heartless bitch, saying that I was nothing to her anymore, that the farm was dead and that Big Macintosh was going to die in the fields before trying to throw a punch at me, then being sedated by the doctors and nurses and making me leave the hospital.

I had loved Applejack, I had wanted to tell her so many times, I wanted to be the mare she woke up with in the morning and for her to see before she went to sleep at night, I had wanted to be married to her and help raise an foal we would adopt together…I had wanted to tell her so many times.

But now….now I was dead to her, just like I was to my family, my friends it seemed and maybe even the Gods themselves.

I could not keep this mask of pretend happiness, this laughter that I was forced to wear on my face by the Element of Laughter anymore, I was done living...I had lost everything, even the pony whose heart I wanted the most…I was a monster.

So I went to Sweet Apple Acres barn when Big Macintosh was drinking heavily, no doubt to drown his sorrows of his two little sisters, his grandmother, the family dog, Winona who also died of old age and his marefriend, Fluttershy being put in the hospital for no doubt weeks as he suffered from all the amount of severe stress and tying a long, brown colored rope to one of the support beams, I made a noose…just as Applejack taught me on a whim in case I needed to control an out of control creature and praying that everypony and the Gods forgive me for my sins.

I hung myself, standing on top of a barrel before kicking it to the side and feeling the rope around my neck pull me back up to keep it suspended as gravity brought my body down and my neck snapped…my life was over.

I was in an area that was completely devoid of all life, sound and color before I saw the skeleton of a unicorn stallion before my eyes, his long, night black cloak flowing behind him as if it was alive and a long, black wooden with a curved piece of steel attached to it, Applejack once telling me it was called a scythe or a sickle floating into the air by a black aura that was lighted on the unicorn's horn as I gasped loudly.

I was truly dead…by my own hooves, it seemed.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie, it is time to pass onto your punishment for your sins…come Tartarus awaits, mare." He spoke coldly, as if he had been made of a freezer itself making me shiver.

I gulped loudly, if I had a heart it would have been beating in fear before the words he spoke resonated in my ears and I felt my mane and tail which had retain the puffy form it once had when I was happy straighten as I sighed loudly, feeling heartbroken and praying that Applejack would have a life better than mine before I walked beside Death himself.

*Spike's P.O.V, present day*

My ear fins dropped in shame as I saw Pinkie hang herself, was it truly possible for one of the happiest mares I ever met to get into such a dark part of her life that she had to resort to suicide?

But I had seen all that had happened in her life for the past two weeks with my own two eyes, Pinkie had really taken her own life and though it was so hard to believe, it was the truth, which was as cold and cruel as Death himself.

I never knew that Pinkie Pie had fallen in love with Applejack, I would have thought she loved Rainbow Dash but I guess I was wrong, seems so bucked up what Applejack's last words had been to Pinkie though, as I knew those words were the last Applejack would ever speak to her, and that they were the final tipping point for Pinkie to do what she did….now she, like I could never take back what we had done with our own claws, or hooves in Pinkie's case and it was so unfair.

But life was anything but fair, we had both learned that the hard way in the darkest way possible, were the Gods and Fate herself really against us?

As the illusion faded back to the lifeless white of Death's domain, it again changed to represent two very tall black colored doors, the doors seeming to be made completely out of the bones of different creatures and had large handles of two full grown dragon skulls on either side, at least that's what I saw.

The doors opened without a sound as I heard howls and screams of torment and suffering from it making me shake in terror as I looked and saw Pinkie shivering beside me before I put a claw on her shoulder in comfort as she gave me a sad, small smile making me frown before Death went forward towards the gates of Tartarus.

The second the three of us went into the doors they closed behind us before a large, black furred, three headed canine in the form of a bulldog with a single spike standing out from behind his two front legs, with moderate amaranth which had light yellow sclera eyes narrowed he growled in fury at most likely the two new souls before him.

His three brown spiked collars swung slightly as he frown his gray muzzles and bared his fangs at us, flicking his tail, and making Pinkie jump in fright and hide behind me.

Despite the fact that we had both seen him years ago, Pinkie herself even helping with luring Cerberus back into the underworld by Twilight with a big, red rubber ball I very highly doubted the beast would remember us now.

Death stood before the canine, and lifted a claw or hoof in Pinkie Pie's case as he slowly said "Heed, Guardian of the Underworld, these torturous souls are not for you to shred." Before calmly walking forward as Cerberus stood aside, making the two if us shaken in fright quickly follow after him as their six eyes followed us.

We stood before a long, narrow and made out of black stone bridge, I could smell the scent of brimstone and sulfur in the air and see the flames of souls being punished below as I felt my heart drop or it would if I had one and knew that I was about to join them for the rest of eternity.

As the three of us crossed the narrow, almost unstable bridge we stood before a large black colored throne, my eyes seeing an old enemy I would have never thought to see again, Nightmare Moon.

The alicorn mare in question lifted her eyes from the soul she was no doubt judging as I saw with surprise and a bit of pain, that Sweetie Belle stood in front of the mare, tears of sorrow staining her face before two large claws of shadow slithered from the rocks behind her and tearing at her mane, tail and face they grabbed her body in a painful no doubt if she had flesh and blood, bone crushing grip and threw her into the flames below leaving her to scream in agony of whatever sins she had committed for the rest of existence.

My tail lowered in disappointment that such a beautiful, caring and honest young mare could be sent to such a dark place after her life but I guess I had no say in the matter seeing that I was already here.

Her catlike cyan irises of her eyes flickered towards Pinkie Pie and I as we swallowed seeing the former Goddess chuckle darkly in amusement, her dark violent mane and tail waving from the heated air of the Underworld as her very dark cerulean coat was filthy, stained with soot, dust, and mud from somewhere in the dark realm itself.

The Mare of the Moon grinned looking at us, her fangs shining in the darkness before she spoke.

"Suicide is such a tragic way to die, eh, Element of Laughter and young drake?" She snickered as her large wings unfurled and flapped twice before they retreated back into their respectful areas on the mare's body, her long horn glowing a moderate cobalt blue as she summoned a large scroll from beside her to the right, slowly drawing it out as her blue armor with its unique designs flashed in the darkness.

The mare frowned as we did not answer but chose not to comment, my eyes narrowed in anger of what the former villain could be doing being the Judge of Tartarus though, making me very nervous as I started to wring my tail with my claws.

The dark Goddess looked at the sheet of parliament in front of her with a sigh before it was lowered and her cruel eyes shined, a grim smile gracing her snout.

"Ah…let's see, the Element of Laughter, Pinkamena Diane Pie. Hmmm….sins include, lust, gluttony, wrath and…ah now this is interesting, suicide. Huh, how do you pled, mare?" Nightmare Moon asked with an evil glint in her eyes as Pinkie's head and tail lowered in guilt.

"Guilty." said the sad, heart breaking reply from her mouth as the Goddess rolled her eyes.

"Not that you have any say in the matter, but yes, guilty indeed…how….shocking." she spoke with a hint of malice in her voice, making my blood boil and my eyes narrow at the joy this alicorn was receiving from Pinkie Pie's tragic crimes.

"Now let me see….where shall I place you for the rest of eternity? Hmm…I very much tempted to throw you into the circle of Gluttony for your increasing large amount of food and drink consumption but, I'm rather entertained with just leaving your soul to rot in the third level of violence with the others who had committed the same act of taking their own lives. Ah, what to choose, what to choose. I think I'll have to go with…..VIOLENCE!" Nightmare Moon screamed using the Royal Canterlot voice on the last word about to summon the claws of shadow which took Sweetie Belle but I had questions that needed to be answered before Pinkie was sent to her punishment.

"Wait, you cold hearted bitch!" I roared making the alicorn pause, her eyes narrowing in anger that such a mortal would be addressing a Goddess in such a matter.

"What is it you want, reptile?!" she growled, the claws of shadow waving in agitation to be kept from their job as the alicorn waited to hear me speak before she made the shadows fade back.

"Nightmare Moon, seriously? You're the Judge of the Underworld? This has to be a joke; I thought you had disappeared into shadows once the Elements of Harmony blasted you with their Hyper Rainbow?" I growled.

Angered that the Gods would chose a villain to be the Judge of Souls….of course, now that I thought about it did seem fitting.

She snorted, blowing heated air from her nostrils before answering my question in a rather annoyed fashion.

"That is where you are false in your accusation, dragon. During my thousand year of being bonded with that Goddess, Princess Luna, my rule was taken over by the dragon God of Rage, Wrath, not that it would matter because you don't know of the name. Once I was defeated my rule was given back to, well, myself.

I'm the Goddess of Nightmares and Suffering, as opposed to Lord Discord, the God of Chaos and Disharmony. Also, I might add who is the Ruler of Tartarus and before you ask, mortal, when his body is trapped in stone he leads the dark souls of Hell, then when he is released that position is offered to another God or Goddess before he gains his reign back."

The Goddess answered with a frown at my question as my mouth dropped open in shock; she has got to be shitting me!

"Discord rules Tartarus?!" I screamed in rage making her chuckle before nodding and with a dark grin added.

"Indeed, so the playful God rules one of the most important afterlives of the three, which are Tartarus, Purgatory, and the Heavens, Purgatory has no God or Goddess to watch over the realm now, though I understand that Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, the Goddess of Love may very well rule over the Bleak realm once her mate, Shining Armor passes from the living, but that is just a rumor, why a Goddess would marry a pathetic mortal I'll never understand though you should be able to relate, falling in love with a mortal unicorn when you're a dragon, drake.

At any rate, Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the Changlings and the Goddess of Misery and Fear also takes over either Discord's or even my own rule every eon or so. " she laughed with a flick of her mane, blinking in boredom from having to explain her reasons to me, a mortal dragon as I gritted my fangs in rage from the smirk that had appeared on her face.

"If it satisfies your knowledge, drake, you are keeping me from my immortal job." She spoke slowly as my eyes shifted to Pinkie Pie who smiled an honest smile and giving me a tight hug and kiss on my left cheek she stepped towards Nightmare Moon who had a wide, dark grin on her face.

"I hope you fade." Pinkie spat coldly making the Goddess's eyes narrow in rage and frown before she slammed her right front hoof hard on the arm rest and summoned the shadow claws again which wrapped around Pinkie Pie's waist and knowing that with my sins I would be joining her soon, I watched in horror as her tail was ripped from her body, no doubt by Nightmare Moon's silent orders before she lost a quarter of her mane and then was cruelty tossed into the flames leading to her punishment.

*Pinkie Pie's P.O.V*

I sailed through the air, hearing screams that would make a living mortal creature lose their minds, flinching as I felt flames burn my fur, the heat as if I had been thrown into an oven and set on the highest temperature.

I fell through the air to what felt like years, having wailing shades claw at my fur and torn mane, my tailless rump shaking in fear as I awaited my fate, singing one last, hopeful song before I never had another chance.

"Giggle at the ghostly,

Guffaw at the grossly,

Crack up at the creepy,

Whoop it up with weepy,

Chortle at the kooky,

Snortle at the spooky," I was half way through my last song, screaming the words with all my might, feeling circle after circle pass me and time by as I continued to sing.

"And tell that big, dumb, scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just made you wanna…..ha, ha, ha, ha….LAAAAAAU-" my song was cut short, just as I was about to sing the end by a branch tied to resemble a noose wrapping around my throat as I did not even see it with my eyes closed, singing to my heart's content and I, with shame, anger, sorrow and pity understood that I could sing no more.

My song was over, my sins had caught up to me…..my eternal suffering had just begun.

*Spike's P.O.V*

I felt tears slid down the scales of my face and closed my eyes as I looked at the Goddess before me, my claws curling in outrage that even though what I did was just that it was unfair, all unfair.

I sighed loudly, knowing I could never fight Fate…it was a pointless cause, even to the Gods as I looked towards Nightmare Moon, and knowing I had no more friends to comfort me, that I was truly alone, awaited my punishment.

She snorted, amused that I could feel sorrow for a soul who had taken her life as I have done before once again bringing the scroll up to her face and began to read my sins.

"Spike Sparkle, the Crystal Savior as I understand, hmmm…..with the sins of….lust, anger, greed, treachery, fraud and oh look…suicide. Don't you mortal have anything else to do but kill yourselves?" Nightmare Moon questioned lazily, her scroll being lowered to look me in the eyes as I stood my ground, not being afraid to stand up to her.

"How do you plead?" she asked calmly, her left front hoof tapping with impatience to judge other souls, I think as I narrowed my eyes and without hesitation spoke.

"Guilty." making her chuckle darkly with a roll of her eyes and shake of her head.

"Not that it matters really seeing how-"

"Then why do you ask?!" I screamed sick of her twisted and bucking games as her eyes narrowed and she smiled a sick, evil smile.

"To watch the souls squirm." She answered coldly as I scoffed.

"Any last words, drake?" she asked as I thought of the last thing wanted before I would forever suffer.

"Can I have a cigarette?" I asked making her snort angrily and her eyes narrow to mere slits but she seemed to accept my request as she lit her horn with magic and summoned the tobacco which I should not have been able to touch let alone smoke being a shade but when I reached for it, it felt just as if I was alive and I sighed with relief before lighting it with my green flames, placing it in my mouth, inhaling deeply before I exhaled out my mouth, ready to face whatever it was the Goddess threw at me.

Nightmare Moon did not look amused before muttering to herself "Got to see if I can add smoking as a sin and to the circle of Gluttony." Making me chuckle before her eyes shifted to my own and she paused, thinking long and hard of where to send me.

"Hmmm….let's see, where to put youuuuuu…..I really want to throw you into treachery for the betrayal you had done to your mate, Twilight Sparkle but, I am amused by you suffering at claws of other dragons in Violence. Hmmmm…..I think, I'll send you to…..TREACHERY!" she screamed in the Royal Canterlot voice before summoning the shadow claws that grabbed me, back clawed my face almost making me drop my last smoke before throwing me into the flames towards my punishment.

I was dropping fast, as if I was a ball of lead shot from a canon, four times my cigarette was almost blown into the wind but I kept it firmly in my mouth, feeling lost, dark souls claw at my scales, trying to grab my tail before I sped past them.

I saw the blue sheet of the frozen circle known as Treachery and slammed into the ice with speeds that would have made my body spat into nothing more than a stain if I was alive.

Instead the ice, with its frozen, cold and cruel element slowly buried me, my soul being more than half way frozen as I inhaled the last of my cigarette and breathing out the last of the gray smoke as I exhaled, I spat it out, waiting for my soul to forever be trapped in the ice as I heard a harsh, excited chuckle from somewhere around me, sounding strangely like Discord's.

"Welcome to my realm, you'll be here for the rest of existence, Crystal Savior." It mocked before my soul was trapped in the frozen element forever the last thought in my mind before I was completely consumed.

"I'm sorry, Twi."

I had paid the price for my sins, I had gambled with Fate and lost, I had failed.

*With Twilight Sparkle*

The mare could not take it anymore, she did not eat, drink, or even used the restroom as she laid on the couch, the furniture bringing stained with urine, alcohol and her tears as she wiped snot from her nose, her mind focusing on nothing more than the letter, the third and last before her eyes, wanting nothing more than to burn it along the entire tree house with her still trapped inside.

She had cursed the Gods, not allowing even Celestia or her older brother Shining Armor to talk to her anymore, everything in her life was failing, fading or just going completely wrong.

What was the point of her living, why the buck had the Gods cursed a mortal unicorn whose only goal in life was to be the best student of Princess Celestia that ever lived, and she could not even do that.

With a loud sigh, and taking one last large drink of the grape wine in the bottle which was only a quarter full as she poured the remainder of the alcohol all over her body, making sure to get every last inch of her fur, mane, tail and even horn as she brought the last latter to her face and making her face emotionless but could not help a single tear that slid down from her left eyes as she began to read the final letter titled Letter three: _A monster praying for redemption; giving the heart of a mortal dragon to a Goddess._

**_My dearest Twilight Sparkle,_**

**_I had given up; I had surrendered to the sins whispering into my ear fins, I have stopped caring about everything in my life, everything but you._**

**_My life, my love…my heart; I had betrayed you, disobeyed you, lied to you and worse of all, I have struck you. The Gods, heh, the Gods are cruel my love, Fate is a bitch, tempting any creature, God or mortal to buck her like the whore she is._**

**_But none can ever have her, as if she was the most expensive jewel in all of Equestria, as if she was the best tasting wine ever made, as if she was the beast that could never be tamed._**

**_None can stand against her and because of that, I cannot fight the destiny, the depression, the guilt clawing at my soul, at my heart, at my mind, Twilight….I don't deserve you, I say that with the most honest tone that I could ever speak._**

**_You….you are as a Goddess in my eyes, easy to worship, to bow down to and wish for a better life in this Tartarus filled life but impossible to ever measure in beauty, in love…..in this dragon's heart._**

**_You deserve to be happy, Twilight, with one that will treat you like the Goddess you are, not by a cold blooded, weak hearted and bucking idiot of the reptile that I am._**

**_I could never give you everything you deserve Twi, I wanted a child, did you know that?_**

**_The first hybrid, male or female to ever be born in Equestria in centuries, ha, but instead…..instead I had injured the very mare would always held my heart, I had defiled my honor, my bucking Dragon Code by the sin I had done to you. I could never be the father to our child that I had always dreamed of._**

**_I wanted us to be married beautiful, to have a life of happiness, instead of one filled with lies, secrets and sin…you're my heart Twilight Sparkle, you're MY soul, you're MY mind, you're MY…..you're my Goddess._**

**_The choices that you make on the road are ones that can be forgiven by the Gods, but the ones that I make will forever stain my scales, and could never be forgiven._**

**_I love you Twilight, more than anything in life and the years that we have traveled are ones that will never be forgotten, but you are ascending into the Heavens, while I trail the road to the Underworld._**

**_Be at peace my Goddess for any and every sin you do will be added to my own, this I swear, after all….one so pure of heart can never have a speck of imperfection staining her perfect form, no matter how hard she wishes it._**

**_With love, honesty and regret,_**

**_Spike Sparkle._**

Twilight's face was stained with tears as she finished the soul shattering, heart breaking and very tragic letter.

All of Spike's sins were brought to light and as his Goddess; she would make sure that his pleads would be heard, unlike those of the other Gods who turned their ears away from his cries.

Spike was forgiven in her eyes as she lit fire to all three letters on the table then did the same to her tail, allowing the flames to speed up their order of burning swiftly on her alcohol drenched body as she laid on the couch, ignoring her pet owl, Owlowiscious's hoots of panic and Spike's pet phoenix, Peewee chirps of fear as she felt the fire spreading to the base of her tail then quickly burning her rear fur, along with her Cutie Mark, causing first degree burn to her body and no doubt going to burn past the muscles, tissue and organs in her body, ending her life.

Twilight Sparkle smiled and closed her eyes as for once in her life since Spike's death, she was happy, she was at peace and she would join her dragon in Tartarus and protect him for all the demonic souls that tried to harm him.

For she was his heart, his soul….his Goddess.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I was listening to The Fray's "You found me" track about ten times when ediitng this chapter, so there you are. Kind of bucked up due to the ending but it works for me.**

**Now I dare you to find me a darker story then this on the entire site, I have a feeling you won't find it but if you do then please send it my way, I would love to give it a read.**

**Shit, this seriously has to be the darkest thing I have ever wrote let alone read with my own eyes in my life, far as I know anyway, this...this was for some very, very, very odd reason not as hard to write as I thought and I'm excited that it is over.**

**Orginally I was going to have a fight scene with Pinkie Pie and Pinkamena (acting as her sins) while they walked towards the Gates of Tartarus bit forgot to write it, thoughts? Should I put it in or not?**

**And this is seriously a very, very dark story for those who had somehow reached this point, but you should know that by now….damn, I really want a smoke now.**

**Anyway, give me your honest feedback, I hope to finish Melting a cold heart sometime this week then try to get back into writing Legacy of Death Belle: The Crused Crusader soon, hope you all enjoyed this truly tragic tale, have a great day/night, kangaroo dancing time, peace.**


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